Choking
by WallofIllusion
Summary: Title subject to change. It’s a few months after Battle City, and the Ishtars are happily living as a family again. But then Malik stops talking... epilogue is up!
1. Chapter One

WELCOME! To WallofIllusion's second angst-with-chapters attempt. Don't ask about the first.

I chose a title pretty much at random so I could post this. Title is quite subject to change.

* * *

**Choking**

"Good morning, Malik," Isis greeted as she entered the dining room and saw her brother. She began making herself breakfast as she waited for an answer from Malik.

But no answer came.

Her eyes flicked over to Malik and quickly read his face. No, he wasn't looking sullen or sulky. Maybe he'd been thinking, and hadn't heard her…? "Good morning, Malik," Isis repeated, more loudly.

His eyes met hers and he nodded and smiled briefly, but that was all.

Isis pursed her lips. It wasn't at all crucial that Malik said "Good morning" to her, but for some reason the fact that he wouldn't worried Isis.

She turned towards the cupboards, then asked Malik, "Would you like me to make you something for breakfast?" He would have to say something now—Isis couldn't see any gestures he might make.

But he said nothing.

Isis resisted the urge to look over at him and cast her mind about for something to say. "You know," she began, "I was thinking of going into town today. Maybe I'll stop by the library." She didn't ask if Malik wanted to come; that question would be far too easy to answer with a nod or a shake of the head. It would be up to Malik to invite himself.

Isis waited. Why wasn't her brother responding? Normally he couldn't contain his excitement at the chance to go to the library.

When Malik didn't speak for almost a minute, Isis turned back to him. "Is there a reason you're not talking?" she asked, masking her concern.

Malik shrugged, averting his eyes.

"Look at me," Isis commanded. Malik did, and again Isis tried to read his face. But now there was little to read. His expression was completely blank, and his eyes seemed empty. It was the emptiness that worried Isis most of all; it convinced her that Malik's silence was neither spite nor anger.

"Why won't you say anything?" Isis inquired, her concern poorly hidden. "Is everything all right?"

Once again, Malik shrugged.

Isis's brows came together. She was really beginning to worry. "Malik, what is it?" When he shrugged yet again, Isis shook her head impatiently. "Don't just shrug at me! Say something!" she demanded.

Malik paused, then shook his head firmly, his gaze directed at the table.

"Malik!" Isis exclaimed, unconsciously raising her voice out of frustration.

"What's the matter, Isis-sama?" Rishid asked, entering the room and looking between the two younger Ishtars in curiosity.

"Malik won't talk," Isis said tersely. "He won't say anything…"

Rishid looked over at Malik for confirmation of Isis's statement. Obligingly, Malik nodded.

Rishid frowned with concern. "Is something wrong, Malik-sama?"

A shrug.

"Why won't you speak?" Rishid persisted.

Another shrug.

"If you won't tell us out loud, Malik-sama, will you at least write it down?"

Isis scanned the dining room for some paper and a pen. Finding what she was looking for, she presented them to Malik and stood next to him hopefully.

Malik picked up the pen and held it over the paper. But then he just stared at it. "Write something," Isis encouraged. But then she noticed what Malik was looking at—his hand was shaking wildly.

Malik stared at the hand for a little longer, watching it as if it weren't his own, and then let the pen drop. Ignoring his siblings' cries of protest, he stood and left the room.

Shocked, Isis tried to follow him, but Rishid stopped her.

"Let him go, Isis-sama," he said softly. "I think Malik-sama might need to be alone."

Isis sighed, knowing that Rishid was probably right. "Why won't he speak?" she asked. Suddenly weary, she sat down in the chair Malik had left. "Something must be wrong," she said heavily. "What can we do, Rishid?" She looked into her older brother's eyes, searching for an answer.

But there was none to be found. "I don't know, Isis-sama."

* * *

_I'm sorry. There's just something that blocks my words, something that chokes me. Something I mustn't let out. So the only way is to stop talking, because no matter what I say it will come out. I'm sorry._

Malik looked over the explanation he had written for Rishid and Isis, the one he hadn't been able to give at breakfast. He shook his head. There was no way his siblings would understand it—it hardly even made sense to Malik…

But he wanted to give the note to them anyway, if only because of the apology it contained. He _was_ sorry, sorry that he couldn't speak and sorry that he was worrying Isis and Rishid. But he knew it was more important to keep that choking feeling inside of him. It would only hurt others if he let it out.

Malik stood, planning to bring the paper to one of his siblings. But then his legs weakened and his knees buckled. Startled, he grabbed the chair for balance and slowly sat down in it again as his heart raced inside his chest.

It was useless—for some strange reason, Malik was terrified of letting Isis and Rishid know what he felt. The fear had struck him at breakfast, too, when Rishid had first suggested writing instead of talking. Malik's hand had been shaking so badly he could barely hold the pen. Had he actually managed to write something, it would have been illegible.

Malik considered leaving the note somewhere for his siblings to find, but even that idea was frightening. And so he found himself holding the paper over the torch in his room, watching a tongue of fire slowly lick it into ashy nothingness.

* * *

It was just about lunchtime when Isis made her way into Malik's room. "Malik?" she asked cautiously.

Malik looked up from his book and gave Isis a half-smile. Taking it as an invitation to enter, Isis went and sat on Malik's bed. Her brother looked at her questioningly, sensing that she had something to say.

"Malik…" she started. "I'm sorry I was so harsh at breakfast. I didn't mean to be so hard on you or scare you away."

Malik nodded and touched her hand softly, a symbol of his forgiveness.

"But, Malik…" Isis continued. "You know _why_ I was that harsh, don't you?"

Malik tipped his head ever-so-slightly to the side.

"It's because I'm worried," Isis explained intensely. "Malik, there _is_ something wrong, isn't there?"

Malik looked away, his eyes nervously darting all over the room before meeting Isis's again. Face taut, he gave a barely-perceptible nod.

Isis caught her breath and gazed sympathetically into her brother's face. "Then please, tell me what it is," she whispered. "Please. I want to help you, my dear little brother. But I can't do anything if you won't tell me what's wrong."

Malik lowered his eyes, looking remorseful, but said nothing.

"Please, Malik!" Isis cried. "Why won't you tell me even that? Are you angry with me, is that why you won't speak?"

Malik looked up again and shook his head vehemently, wide eyes adding emphasis to his denial.

"Then _why_? Malik…" He looked away again. "Please, say something," Isis begged. "_Anything_. You can tell me to shut up, or to go away, or something, but please, just speak…"

Malik took Isis's hands and held them, trying to comfort his sister. Then he met her eyes, and Isis saw helplessness in his gaze. Realizing something, she murmured, "So it's true, isn't it?" She took a deep breath and let it out in a sigh. "Malik, when I was talking to Rishid this morning, he said there was a chance that you… you really _can't_ speak. That there's something blocking your throat. Is… is that it?"

Immediately, Malik looked down. His breathing sped up and Isis noticed with alarm that his hands, still holding hers, were shaking uncontrollably. "Don't be scared, Malik," Isis encouraged, squeezing his hands slightly. "You can tell me. You can tell me anything. Is that how you feel? Like something's blocking your words?"

Still looking down, Malik gave a jerky but clear nod. Then he hunched over, hiding his face. Now crying with pity for her brother, Isis put her arms around him and pulled him close, so close that she could feel the wild, terrified beating of his heart.

* * *

Yes... 

So! Reviews are much appreciated. I've already written the next few chapters, but I might choose to incorporate good suggestions...

But if you do review...please humor me and keep in mind that I think of "Marik" as the dub character, whom I hope to burn alive someday. I wrote about Malik. Please say Malik. Please forgive my obsessive insanity.

I'll put my straightjacket back on now...


	2. Chapter Two

Malik had not spoken for a week. His silence was slowly beginning to seem "normal" to the Ishtar household. Isis and Rishid didn't ask him many questions now. When they did ask, the questions were mostly yes-or-no, easily answered by a nod or shake of the head.

Twice, Isis had forgotten and asked Malik about his day. At those times, he had stared at her with a pitying look on his face until she remembered. He then turned away quickly so as not to see the pain and disappointment in her eyes.

He was sick of hurting her, but what other choice was there? If he did speak—if he allowed that something within him to come out—it would hurt her even more. It would hurt everyone.

He _was_ trying. Each day, before his siblings woke up, Malik tried to say something aloud to himself, a simple "Good morning," anything. But every time, he felt his words being choked and twisted by the emotions he had to hold in, so he didn't speak after all.

He was beginning to lose hope, beginning to think he would never be able to speak again. It saddened him, but keeping that feeling locked inside was more important. If he let it out, it would be a horrible failure… a dangerous reversion.

He had tried several times to write down why he couldn't talk. He didn't intend the notes to be explanations to Rishid and Isis like the first; they were meant to be more like a journal. But like the feeling that choked Malik, the fear of telling his siblings about it was getting stronger by the day. The thought that they might read the notes—it was terrifying.

He had burnt every single one.

* * *

It was on the eighth morning of Malik's silence that Rishid found Isis crying on her bed. Immediately, he went and touched her on the shoulder.

"Isis-sama, why are you crying?"

Isis gave a small gasp and straightened, wiping her eyes. "I-I'm sorry. I'm fine, I just sort of lost myself for a moment." She put on a very weak smile, as if trying to show Rishid that everything was fine.

He didn't fall for it. "Are you worried about Malik-sama?" he guessed.

Isis shrugged. "I'm overreacting," she criticized herself bluntly. "I have to get used to the fact that Malik's not talking. I just… sort of… can't." With a bitter laugh, she added, "After three years, I finally have my beloved brothers back. But now… Malik won't even talk… and it's like I don't have him back after all." She stared down at her hands, and Rishid took a seat next to her.

"Rishid…" Isis said after a minute, "was there ever a time when Malik stopped talking before?"

It took Rishid only a moment to think. "After Ishtar-sama was killed, Malik-sama stopped talking. Do you remember?"

Isis cocked her head, looking surprised. "Oh," she said. "I had forgotten about that. He didn't speak for weeks." She paused briefly. "But it's obvious why he stopped talking then," she continued. "Have there been times that he's just stopped for no reason at all? Like now?"

"You do not think Malik-sama has a reason now?" Rishid asked curiously. "Isis-sama, imagine how much he went through during Battle City. His possession by his dark side… his discovery of the truth about your father's death… Suddenly, Malik-sama had to completely revise his idea of the Pharaoh, while at the same time dealing with the guilt of creating such an evil self. You must know how much that guilt affected him—you experienced his way of dealing with some of it, didn't you?"

"Yes," Isis whispered with a great shudder. "He said it would be better for him to just end his existence, in order to make up for his crimes…"

"But instead, Malik-sama chose to destroy his other self by abandoning his pride and surrendering to the one he'd hated for five years. Almost immediately after that, he had to again forget his pride and fulfill a destiny he's never wanted to accept. I'm sure Malik-sama is still dealing with the effects of those events, and it may be emotions stemming from those effects that stop him from speaking."

Isis sighed, reluctantly nodding in agreement. Then she looked at Rishid strangely. "It… 'may be'?" she asked. "Can't you tell? I mean… if you help Malik bear his emotions, can't you feel them too…?"

Rishid shook his head. "At the end of Battle City, Malik-sama asked me to let him face his emotions on his own," he explained. "He wants to become strong and bear his own emotions."

"But…" Isis said, looking confused. "But now he's stopped talking, so there must be something that's too much for him, something he can't stand on his own…"

"He will learn to bear it soon," Rishid said calmly.

"Soon?" Isis repeated incredulously. "How can you talk about 'soon'? Malik is suffering right now—he needs your help!"

"Would you have me go against Malik-sama's wishes, Isis-sama?" Rishid asked.

"He needs it, Rishid!" Isis insisted. "If there's something he can't bear, then you need to help him!"

Rishid shook his head. "Malik-sama will overcome this on his own. Everyone has problems that are hard to deal with, Isis-sama. And eventually, everyone overcomes them."

"I don't care! Malik needs your help!" Isis rose from her bed and glared at Rishid. "You're supposed to protect him!"

Unperturbed by Isis's anger, Rishid said, "When Malik-sama was younger, he went through trauma that would be too much for any child, so I tried to help him then. But what he is dealing with now can be overcome. If I continue trying to bear his emotions for him, he will never be able to mature." Isis opened her mouth to protest, but Rishid held up a hand. "Malik-sama is no longer a child, Isis-sama. I know it is painful to see your brother suffer, but we cannot protect him from everything."

"I want you to protect Malik from one thing, is that too much to ask?" Isis demanded.

"I will not do that, Isis-sama. Malik-sama's decision to bear his own emotions is wise and brave. I will not go against it."

"Yes, you will! I command it!" Isis cried bitterly. "And you have to obey me—you're a _servant_!"

The words hit Rishid with all the shock and pain of a lightning bolt. "Isis-sama…"

Isis's eyes widened as she realized what she'd said. "Rishid, I didn't mean that!" she exclaimed. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean that, I swear!"

"I know," Rishid said heavily. "I know you didn't, Isis-sama."

Isis took a hesitant step forward. "How could I say such a thing?" she said weakly. "I'm so sorry. Please forgive me, Rishid, I didn't mean that…"

"I forgive you, Isis-sama. You're worried about Malik-sama."

"That's no excuse…" Isis sat back down on her bed and bent over, pressing her hands against her face as if hiding within herself. Then, slowly, she admitted, "I'm so scared…" She lowered her hands and looked at Rishid. There were tears in her eyes. "I don't know what to do about Malik. I don't even know if there's anything I _can_ do, but… I want to help him. I want to help him in any way I can."

"So do I, Isis-sama," Rishid agreed, "but taking away Malik's freedom to bear his own emotions would not help him."

"I know," sighed Isis. "Even when I was arguing, I knew that, but…" She trailed off and shrugged. She paused for a moment, then asked Rishid, "How do you do it?"

"Do what, Isis-sama?"

"How can you be so in control of yourself? I know you must be as worried about Malik as I am—maybe more—but you never break down like I do… and I try so hard…"

Rishid had to think for a while to answer. "I'm very worried about Malik-sama," he said, "but I also trust him. I know that he cares for the two of us, and that he is not trying to hurt us with his silence. I know that he will be able to overcome his inability to speak. Even when I am most worried for Malik-sama, that trust is like a light shining through my fear."

"…A light of hope…" Isis murmured to herself. Then, quietly determined, she added, "We need to help Malik… find his light."

Rishid smiled slightly. "We will do that."

* * *

Yay! Now comes the part where I get to talk to my reviewers! 

**ketaglass**: Well, you're wrong ;-)... But thanks for reading! And keep going to find out!

**The Fifth Champion**: I'm so glad you like it :-)! Thank you for reviewing! All of your reviews make me so happy. And yes, you will have to keep reading to find out why poor Malik can't talk... Don't worry, it will be revealed! (Actually, it's kind of hinted at in this chapter, ne?)

So! Reviews are much appreciated. I've already written the next few chapters, but I might choose to incorporate good suggestions...

But if you do review...please humor me and keep in mind that I think of "Marik" as the dub character, whom I hope to burn alive someday. I wrote about Malik. Please say Malik. Please forgive my obsessive insanity.

I'll put my straightjacket back on now...


	3. Chapter Three

Chapter the third. It gets weird.

* * *

"Yuugi!" Yuugi's grandpa called from downstairs. "Telephone!" 

Nodding apologetically to Jonouchi, Honda, Bakura, and Anzu, Yuugi dashed down the stairs to get the phone. "Moshi-moshi?"

"Yuugi? This is Isis."

Yuugi blinked in surprise. "Isis-san? W… what's up? How is everyone?"

"Well…" Isis hesitated. "Rishid and I are fine, but…" She gave a deep sigh.

"Is something wrong with Malik?" Yuugi pressed in worry.

Slowly, Isis said, "…He hasn't spoken… for over two weeks…"

"What! He hasn't spoken? At all?"

"Exactly," Isis agreed quietly. "It was two weeks yesterday."

"That's terrible!" Yuugi said. "Why not? I mean, why isn't he…"

"I have no idea," Isis answered, sounding a little weary. "Neither does Rishid. Malik won't even write it down for us." Isis was silent for a minute. "I was hoping, if it's not too much to ask, that we could come to Domino for a visit, and you and all your friends could just…… 'h-hang out' with him… and maybe…"

"S-sure!" exclaimed Yuugi. "Would that help?"

"I don't know," Isis confessed. "I think it might be good for Malik to see that everyone's forgiven him…"

"Yeah, I see what you mean," Yuugi said eagerly. "Let's see… We've got a vacation from school next week, if you wanted to come then."

"Then it's all right?"

"Yeah, it's fine. We'll see you then." Despite the gravity of the situation, he couldn't stop a smile. "Everyone will be so happy."

"I'm glad," Isis said. "Thank you, Yuugi. Good-bye."

"Good-bye." Yuugi hung up the phone and dashed back upstairs.

"Well, what's up?" asked Jonouchi.

Yuugi looked around. "I have some good news and some bad news…"

* * *

Later that day, Malik appeared in the doorway of Rishid's room. His face was uncertain and troubled.

Rishid saw him and invited, "Come in, Malik-sama."

The boy sat down next to him and hunched over. He fidgeted with his hands and looked at Rishid. There was obviously something bothering him.

Taking his best guess at what it was, Rishid asked, "Did Isis-sama tell you about going to Japan?"

Now Malik looked down, hunching over even further. His expression changed to one of despair.

"You do not wish to go?"

Malik shook his head vehemently. He met Rishid's eyes, desperately begging for his brother to give him a way out.

"You must go, Malik-sama," Rishid answered gently.

"_Why?"_ the boy's eyes seemed to demand. Clearly, the "conversation" was not going how he had thought it would. Doubtlessly, Malik had been hoping for salvation from the trip through Rishid.

But Rishid agreed with Isis; he thought visiting Domino and seeing that those Malik had hurt had forgiven him would help him greatly. This, however, was not the reason Rishid was supposed to give.

Isis, doubting that Malik would go along with the trip, had decided to pretend that they were going because of another Egyptian exhibit at Domino Museum. She had already told Malik this lie; it was up to Rishid to enforce it.

"Isis-sama is already going no matter what, for the exhibit. Would you rather her be there alone?"

Malik sighed heavily. He bent over again and ran his hands through his hair nervously. Rishid noticed that Malik was shaking.

Touching the boy's shoulder, he asked softly, "Are you afraid of seeing them again, Malik-sama?"

Malik nodded slightly.

"You don't need to be. They will not treat you harshly; they were kind when they came before, remember?"

Malik gave a little shrug and pulled his knees up to his chest, forming an extra barrier between himself and the world. He was still shaking; despair had returned to his face. Rishid observed the boy with pity, and finally said, "Malik-sama, if you do not think you will be able to bear everything in Domino, I will gladly help you again."

Malik looked at Rishid through his blonde hair, considering. Suddenly, his eyes widened and he shook his head wildly.

He would not stop shaking his head until Rishid said, "I am sorry—I did not mean to intrude." Malik calmed down and waved Rishid's apology away as unnecessary. Rishid added quietly, "You are brave to bear those emotions on your own, Malik-sama."

For some reason, Malik's face spread into a dry, slightly bitter smirk at those words. He looked away for a moment. Then he touched Rishid's hand lightly in affection, stood, and left the room.

* * *

A week later, the three Ishtars were sitting in an airplane, bound for Domino City. Malik was staring out the window, which served two purposes. It allowed him to look at the scenery (which, consisting mostly of clouds, was rather repetitive) and to avoid his siblings' gazes.

About halfway through the ride, Isis was unable to bear it any longer and asked, "Malik, are you mad at me?"

Malik, his body still angled towards the window, raised his shoulders and dropped them again in a cold shrug. His answer was clear.

Ignoring Malik's frostiness, Isis persisted. "You know, everyone is really excited that you're coming."

Malik turned towards her slightly and raised his eyebrows.

"Really. Yuugi said so," Isis assured him.

Malik's mind formed a snappish reply. _"Then either Yuugi lied or he had no idea what he was talking about."_ There was no way "everyone" would be happy to see Malik. Yuugi might, but Malik couldn't imagine anyone else being particularly thrilled. The Egyptian felt certain that they only feigned trust. Either that, Malik thought, or their trust was conditional; if Malik showed anything other than perfect repentance, they would probably discard him from their group of friends.

It seemed plausible after what had happened with Jonouchi when the teens had visited Egypt before.

"_So what do you think?" Jonouchi had asked Malik when the two were alone, the night after the Ceremonial Battle._

"_About what?" Malik replied cautiously._

"_The other Yuugi is gone now," he said as if it should have been obvious. "What does that mean to you?"_

_Hesitant, Malik asked, "Why… do you want to know?"_

"_I'm just curious as to what the former murderous psycho has to say about things," Jonouchi said, almost joking. "Why so defensive? It's not like you have anything to hide, right?"_

"_I…" Malik sighed and looked away. It was so hard to explain…_

_At Malik's hesitation, Jonouchi cocked his head suspiciously. "What's that supposed to mean?"_

_Malik shook his head. "N-not like that…" he said. "It's not that I…" There was a pause. "I don't really… feel anything about it."_

"_Nothing?" Jonouchi questioned incredulously._

"_Well… I suppose that isn't quite true," Malik answered thoughtfully. "Because I'm very sorry… for your loss. I know he… th-the Pharaoh… was a very good friend to all of you. I know you guys are sad…"_

_Jonouchi stared for a moment, then said with a hint of anger, "Stop sounding like you have to convince yourself."_

"_I kind of _do_ have to convince myself," Malik answered quietly. _

"_What do you mean you have to convince yourself?" Jonouchi demanded, his demeanor now slightly threatening. He stood tense, almost in a fighting pose. _

_Malik sighed and closed his eyes. "I have to work at it, because otherwise… I would feel how I felt… before. Part of me wants to feel that way. But that's wrong. I know it is. So… I can't let myself feel that. I have to make myself… throw those feelings away. I have to… be emotionless. Or I'll feel…" He trailed off. The feelings, his natural emotions, were so clear. Triumph, fierce joy, and still his old hatred… "I have to be this way. For now, nothing is the best I can do."_

_They stared at each other for a moment. Then Jonouchi turned sharply and walked away._

As the seatbelt icon blinked back on, Malik flinched and the dull ache of dread settled into his stomach. He noticed that he was shaking slightly. They were almost at the airport, where Yuugi and his friends were probably waiting. Just the thought of encountering them again made Malik feel threatened. How would he be able to survive spending entire days with them?

A short half-hour later, the plane touched down at the Domino Airport. "Are you excited, Malik?" Isis asked hopefully.

Malik answered with a glare.

* * *

A/N: I warned you. Anyway... review-answering time! (Is too hooked on deviantart to go without answering reviewers) 

Slifer02: Thank you I'm glad you like it!

ketaglass: Don't worry, I wouldn't have told you the ending .. Sorry for the delayed update. The next one should be up within a week, but after that... sweatdrop I'm not so sure.

The Fifth Champion: Don't apologize for slowness! I'm the one being slow. Anyway, I'm so glad you like it

Yes, like I said, the next one will be up within a week. And then... the one after that... will be up sometime. I won't give up! Not like... the last one... But this one I have plotted better. I just need to figure out what happens between now and the climax. .;;


	4. Chapter Four

There was indeed quite a welcoming crew. Yuugi, Jonouchi, Honda, Anzu, and Bakura were all waiting at the airport, keeping a sharp eye out for the Ishtars. Anzu was the first one to spot them. "There they are," she said, pointing as the three Egyptians drew closer.

Yuugi waved. "Hi! Welcome to Japan!" he greeted them.

"Thank you," Isis answered with a grateful smile. "It's nice to be back here."

Anzu noticed Malik twitch at his sister's words. He stood closer to Rishid than to Isis, slightly hunched over, eyes down. Somehow, Anzu got the feeling Malik didn't share Isis's opinion about being in Domino.

"Malik, we're glad you're here," Anzu said, trying to make him feel more welcome.

Malik raised his head so that he was looking at Anzu and gave what could have been a smile, but there was no emotion in it. Then he looked down again.

There was a brief pause, everyone made uncomfortable by the brusqueness of Malik's response. Then Honda said, "So, Yuugi, did you want to take him to the arcade?"

"Oh, yeah! Malik, there's this great arcade by where we live. I thought it would be fun if we all hung out there. Wanna go?"

The Egyptian shrugged, not looking up.

"There are a lot of cool games," Bakura encouraged. "They have Capcom-vs.-Marvel, Super-Tetris—"

"And DDR," Anzu added eagerly.

Jonouchi hid a snort. "Yeah, that's what you should do first," he said. "Play DDR with Anzu. It'd be fun."

Anzu concluded, "Yeah, it'll be really fun, let's go!"

Everyone watched Malik for a response. Finally, he glanced up with a slightly forced smile.

"Great, it's decided then!" Yuugi exclaimed. "To the arcade!"

"Which car is Malik going in?" Honda asked. "Jii-chan's is just about full as it is—should he go with Mai?"

_They're talking about Malik like he's not even here_, Anzu noticed sadly. "Malik, which car would you like to go in?" she said, hoping everyone else would get the point.

Malik shrunk back and moved closer to his siblings.

Isis shook her head. "Rishid and I have to get to the hotel, Malik," she answered. "I need to get settled as soon as possible so I can go work on the exhibit."

"How are you getting there?" asked Yuugi curiously.

"We have a rental car arranged," Isis said with a hint of a stutter. "The museum—your father, Bakura-kun, he arranged it for us."

"Oh, right," Bakura said, fidgeting. "Yeah. I guess he… um… did he get hotel rooms for you, too?"

"Yes."

Bakura's father, of course, had done no such thing. In all likelihood, Isis had arranged for the car and the rooms herself the day before, to maintain her lie about the exhibit. But the Japanese teens did not mention this.

"So…" Yuugi said. "Which car do you want to go in?"

Malik shrugged. There was another awkward pause.

"Why don't we go over to the cars and you can decide then," Anzu offered at last.

The Egyptian agreed with a small nod. A glance passed between Isis and Rishid, and Rishid said gently, "We'll leave you with them for now, Malik-sama."

Malik started. As his eyes went from Rishid to Isis, his sister patted him on the shoulder. "We'll pick you up at Yuugi's house later, all right?"

Out of the corner of his eye, Malik looked at the Japanese teens. Then he forced another smile and nodded slightly.

* * *

The ride to the arcade was not a long one. Not wanting to ride with Mai—he hadn't forgotten the terror his other self had put her through—Malik rode with Yuugi, Anzu, and Jonouchi, who spent the whole time trying to make conversation that Malik could participate in without talking. He could tell they were striving to make him feel included.

But that was a lost cause.

Now, at Anzu's insistence, Malik was standing in a brightly-colored circle, his feet surrounded by arrows. He looked at her dubiously; he'd seen people playing this sort of game before, and he didn't think he could move his feet that fast if his life depended on it.

"Don't worry," Anzu encouraged him. "I'm putting you on an easy song." She set up for him and went to her square. "Just step on the arrow when it gets to the top of the screen." A song title appeared on the screen, and then disappeared as the song started. Obediently, Malik tried to pinpoint the arrows as they scrolled upwards, but he had horrible timing and by the end of the song, he was sick of the game. (It didn't help that, since he was missing so many arrows, the game was asking him if he was asleep.)

The moment the song ended, Malik walked off the square. Anzu followed him. "Do you like it?"

Malik shook his head once.

"I'm sorry," Anzu apologized. "It's a lot of fun once you get used to it."

_Yeah_, Malik thought. _It's just getting used to it that's impossible._ He gave Anzu a slight smile, then meandered towards the martial arts games, where Yuugi and Jonouchi were playing. They sat on opposite sides of the machine, fighting each other. Malik was not surprised to find that Yuugi was winning.

"Hi, Malik," Yuugi said, his concentration still on the game. "How'd you dance?"

Malik stared silently. There was a brief pause, and then Anzu realized the problem. "He did pretty well for a beginner," she said. "I was impressed."

Malik shook his head in denial that he had done any such thing. Yuugi and Jonouchi finished their game and Jonouchi offered, "Wanna play me, Malik?"

Though slightly overwhelmed just watching the game, Malik shrugged and took a seat in front of the game. Yuugi showed him the controls. Malik was still confused, but before he could indicate that he wanted to do a practice round first, Jonouchi had started the game.

Jonouchi had no sympathy for the first-time player. Malik's head spun as he watched the fierce, experienced attacks fly at his fighter. Defending himself was the best he could do. He abandoned all hope of fighting back and devoted his energy to blocking the attacks.

Finally he could defend himself no longer. One of Jonouchi's attacks made it through and blew Malik's fighter completely out of the ring.

**K.O.**, declared the game. **LOSE.**

Jonouchi rose from the game and came to Malik's side. "I win," he said with an easy, self-satisfied grin.

Malik stared blankly for a second, then stood as a strange, uncomfortable anger swelled up within him. Hiding his face, he brushed past Jonouchi and searched for a single-player game. Only after he'd taken the controls of a pinball table did Malik allow his face to fall.

Losing—especially losing to _them_—still hurt.

Malik angrily yanked back on the pinball's plunger and released it. _I want to beat them,_ he thought as the metal ball rebounded around the table. _Even if nothing comes of victory, can't I at least win for once?_

_No, that's selfish_, chided another part of his mind. _I don't deserve to win against them. And it's not like my motives are completely…… _

_It doesn't matter. I don't care if I lose._

So Malik pushed his anger aside, then scowled slightly as his ball bypassed the flippers and slid off the table. He pulled the plunger back slowly, and the ball started bouncing around again.

* * *

I love DDR. 

My gosh, I wrote this chapter so long ago... Just so you guys know, I'm confusing myself greatly concerning Jou's characterization. So I'm very very very sorry if it gets screwed up. I'll try to keep it as constant as possible.

Anyway, review talk time!

Union of Darkness: Thank you so much for reviewing . Although, I'd have to agree--Malik's characterization is actually drastically different in the dub. So... yeah. Malik is my favorite character too .

ketaglass: Well you're lucky because the next one after this will be up as soon as I have time! (maybe within the next five minutes, unless it's dinner time XD). Thanks for reviewing!

The Fifth Champion:Mwahaha, I am using the dreaded element of suspense! My editor-friend hates suspense too ;. I'm so glad you agree with the relationship between Malik and Yuugi-tachi. I'm having so much difficulty . but that's mostly my own fault ; Cause I'm too lazy to buy the manga I need. :Cough:


	5. Chapter Five

They left the arcade and headed for Yuugi's house around four o' clock. This time it was only Yuugi, Malik, and Jonouchi who ride with Yuugi's grandfather. There was no doubt that Yuugi was trying to arrange some sort of friendship between Malik and Jonouchi. However, neither of the two seemed particularly interested in such an arrangement, so, despite Yuugi's attempts at conversation, the car was silent.

Malik stared out the car window at the ocean, watching the docks as they went by. He recognized the style they were built in, and that made him nervous. They were similar to… that one. He found his eyes focusing on the iron framework above the docks. After all, that was the part he was best acquainted with; that was the part he had studied in order to set up the—

Malik's hand twitched and he pursed his lips. It was really best not to think about that duel. The simple memory of it made him tense.

_I should stop looking at the docks too_, he thought wryly. So he turned his gaze forward and looked at the seat in front of him, Yuugi's seat. Yuugi's hair stuck out around it quite a bit.

Malik could feel eyes upon him. With a quick glance out of the corner of his eye, he confirmed that Jonouchi was staring at him.

Noticing the glance, Jonouchi was quick to ask, "D-did you want to say something?" Then he blinked and corrected himself, "N-no, I mean, did you… um…"

Yuugi had turned back to look too. Malik's eyes darted from Jonouchi to Yuugi and, awkwardly, he gave his normal response: a shrug. Then he turned back to the window. Maybe counting docks was safer after all.

One unfamiliar… two unfamiliar… Malik knew he should look away, before he chanced to glimpse a "one familiar." But the only other option was to look forward and endure the curious stares of Yuugi and Jonouchi.

Maybe they weren't near that area, anyway.

Three unfamiliar… four unfamiliar…

The docks were unfamiliar, but Malik recognized his surroundings. He bit his lip. They _were_ in the area.

Five unfamiliar… He should really look away. Six unfamiliar… Suddenly Malik became aware of his heartbeat. He had passed that dock before, hadn't he? He'd passed it on that day…

Then they passed the next dock, and Malik's stomach lurched painfully. He began to shake.

There was a hole in the framework of this dock, and the metal beams were all twisted away around the hole. This was evidence of the force of the explosion—the explosion that had caused the anchor to drop…

Malik's face felt hot, and his heart was pounding at an unnatural rate. He bent over double in his seat as a burning sensation filled his abdomen.

"Malik!" he heard Yuugi's and Jonouchi's voices cry. Malik squeezed his eyes shut and leaned against the window. He knew that Yuugi and Jonouchi were probably both staring at him in worry.

"Hey, are you sick or something?" Jonouchi's voice asked. "Malik?"

Malik barely heard. _We're probably past it now_, he tried to tell himself. _I could look again and it wouldn't be there. I wouldn't have to think about it anymore._

The car stopped, meaning that Yuugi's grandfather was probably looking back at Malik as well. "What's wrong, Malik?" the old man's voice asked.

Then Yuugi gasped. "Malik, is it because of… because you saw that dock…?"

Malik shuddered and opened his eyes slightly to look at Yuugi's face. After holding Yuugi's innocent gaze for a few seconds, Malik shut his eyes again and hunched over, turning towards the window. He was still shaking badly.

"Malik…?" Yuugi asked. "Malik, is that why?"

Malik gave no response. As soon as the car started moving again, he decided, he would open his eyes. He would watch the ocean and ignore the rest of those in the car, and he wouldn't think. Thinking meant he had to feel, and it was safer not to do that.

* * *

Rishid and Isis were on their way to pick Malik up. Isis was driving, gripping the steering wheel very tightly. She was anxious to find out how Malik's day had gone and whether or not she had made the right choice by bringing him to Japan.

Finally, the questions circling in her mind became too much to bear, and she blurted out, "Rishid, what do you think?"

Rishid looked at her curiously. "About what, Isis-sama?"

"Was this a good idea? Bringing Malik here?"

"Isis-sama, you already know what I think," Rishid reminded her. "I believe that Malik-sama's interaction with Yuugi and his friends will prove beneficial." He paused for a moment, and then added softly, "But lying is rarely beneficial to anyone."

Isis gave a deep sigh. "I know… I know," she muttered. "I shouldn't have made up the story about the exhibit. But… would he have come if he thought he had a choice?"

"Malik-sama will be upset with us when he finds out the truth."

Regretfully, Isis admitted, "You're right. He's probably going to be furious. But that's why it's too late to tell him now, when we're already here."

"Then when shall we tell him?" Rishid questioned.

"After he starts talking again, when he sees that coming here has helped him," Isis said. "He can't be angry at us then, right?"

Rishid didn't answer.

It was only a few more minutes before they arrived at the Kame game shop. Isis and Rishid entered the store, and Isis smiled at Yuugi's grandfather and said, "We're here to pick up Malik."

"Certainly." Yuugi's grandfather turned and called up the stairs, "Malik! Your siblings are here."

"He'll be right down!" Yuugi's voice answered.

Yuugi's grandfather shot a sideways glance at Isis. "So, how's the Egyptian exhibit going?" he asked with just a trace of sarcasm; he, too, knew there was no exhibit.

Isis smiled wanly. "Quite well, thank you," she said, trying to mimic his ironic tone.

Yuugi came down the stairs, followed by Malik. Isis's eyes went straight to her younger brother's face, searching eagerly for a sign of his mood. What she saw made her heart sink. Malik's expression was still guarded and withdrawn. His posture, too, suggested that he would like nothing better than to hide from those around him.

"Malik-sama…" Rishid said, his voice slightly concerned.

Malik gave Rishid a weak but sincere smile and walked past Yuugi to stand near his siblings. Softly, hesitantly, Isis inquired, "Did you have fun at the arcade?"

After a thoughtful pause, Malik nodded.

Isis smiled. "Good," she said, "I'm glad." She put her hand on Malik's shoulder, but then gasped slightly and pulled it back. "Malik, you're shaking…!" Malik jerked and looked away.

Confused and slightly suspicious, Isis looked at Yuugi for an explanation. The Japanese boy hesitated for a second. "On the way back from the arcade," he said slowly, "Malik… Something happened to Malik… He…" Yuugi trailed off uncertainly.

His grandfather picked up the explanation. "He bent over and started shaking really bad. I almost thought he was having a seizure."

Isis's eyes widened in disbelief. "A seizure…?" she breathed.

But, almost imperceptibly, Malik shook his head.

"It wasn't a seizure, Malik-sama?" Rishid was quick to ask.

Yuugi spoke up. "I… was wondering about that too," he said. "'Cause, right before it happened, we passed…" He bit his lip. "We passed the dock where, um… wh-where I dueled Jonouchi, except it wasn't really…"

As Yuugi stumbled through his description, Malik had slowly hunched further and further over. Now Rishid put a hand on Malik's shoulder and said to Yuugi, "I understand. You don't have to say any more."

Isis looked at Rishid in confusion. "_I_ don't understand," she protested. "What duel was that?"

But Rishid shook his head. "I'll explain later, Isis-sama," he promised.

"Yeah…" Yuugi said. "S-so that's why I was wondering if Malik might've… been responding to that… somehow. Like…"

Malik didn't stay around to find out what his response was "like", though. He suddenly pushed past his two siblings and hurried towards the waiting rental car.

* * *

Aw, how sad. I didn't get any reviews on the last chapter yet XD. Anyway the next chapter is coming soon. (For real this time.) It's written and ready to be edited by SnufflesMitchan. 

I have the outline for the rest of the story done. Chapter-by-chapter. Should be (relatively) smooth sailing from now on.


	6. Chapter Six

Chapter six of Choking.  
Koushari is yummy, as long as there's not too much cumin. Now how Isis wound up stirring cumin in, I don't know. Poor planning on my part.  
I hate that duel. I can't wait till I can stop writing about it... It'll be a while.

Oh, this is a disclaimer! (I remembered, whoa) I don't own YGO or make money off of writing this. I write this for fun, because I like writing depressing stuff. Don't know why.

* * *

When the Ishtars reached their hotel room, Malik quickly got a book out of his suitcase and began to read. Sensing that he wanted to be alone, Isis and Rishid began making dinner together. They were about halfway done making koushari (Malik's favorite dish) when Isis said, "You were going to explain that duel to me?" 

Rishid sighed. "Yes," he said softly. "The Anchor Death Match…"

"Death Match?" Isis repeated in disbelief.

"It was just before the Battle City finals. Using the Millennium Rod, Malik-sama brainwashed Jonouchi into hating Yuugi and set up a duel between them. Malik-sama also attached both of them to an anchor that would fall when one player's life points reached zero. The winner of the duel would have been given a key with which to escape, while the loser would have been dragged into the ocean."

Isis listened silently. She could feel blood draining from her face, and her heart was pounding. _My little brother set up that murderous duel?_

She had known, vaguely, what kind of actions Malik had taken to further his revenge. But hearing such a reminder, especially _now_, was… uncomfortable.

Despite the repulsion Isis felt, though, the only response she gave was a quiet, controlled, "I see. So that was the dock they passed?"

Rishid nodded. He paused, and then asked gently, "Are you shocked by it, Isis-sama?"

"N-no!" Isis was quick to stutter. "I mean, I certainly don't support those actions, but I'm not…" She trailed off, meeting Rishid's eyes and knowing that he could see the truth. In a whisper, she confessed, "Yes… I am. I don't want to believe… that Malik would do such a terrible thing." There was a few moments' silence. Isis lowered her eyes. "How can I say that about my own brother?" she mumbled, mostly to herself.

To her surprise, Rishid smiled slightly. "You are very similar to him, Isis-sama."

"…What do you mean?"

"Both you and Malik-sama try very hard to display the sort of face that you think others want to see. You put… undue stress on yourselves to do so."

Slightly abashed, Isis stirred cumin into the koushari as she defended herself, "But sometimes it's better to do that, even if it's hard, because then people trust you more, and they aren't hurt… right?"

"Yes," Rishid agreed with a thoughtful expression. "Malik-sama has said that as well."

Isis looked at Rishid, but he didn't return her glance. They finished making the koushari in silence, focused on their own thoughts.

* * *

Malik kept his eyes down all through dinner. Even the koushari didn't seem to cheer him up. He kept moving it around on the plate, chin resting in his other hand.

Rishid was really starting to worry about his master. He was already aware of how ashamed Malik was of the death match; even before Malik had stopped talking altogether, he had become strangely silent whenever that duel was mentioned. But now it seemed that the guilt Malik felt had intensified—and Rishid was concerned.

"Malik-sama," he said finally, "may I ask you about what happened today?"

Malik shot an uncertain glance at Isis, then met Rishid's eyes.

"I already told her about the duel," Rishid told him gently.

Malik lowered his eyes and turned his head slightly, looking away from Isis.

"May I ask you, Malik-sama?" Rishid repeated.

There was no response. Malik avoided the both his siblings' gazes.

Isis watched Malik for a while, and then gave a small sigh. "I… I have to do something for the exhibit," she lied softly, "so I'll just… go to the lobby and work there for a bit."

She calmly fetched the briefcase she had brought without looking at Malik. Just as she was about to leave, Malik opened his mouth as though he was going to call her back. But then he bit his lip, staring at the table. Isis left, quietly closing the door behind her.

Malik looked at Rishid, regret on his face.

"Are you worried that you hurt her feelings, Malik-sama?"

The boy nodded.

"There is no need to worry. I am sure Isis-sama understands." Rishid let silence hang in the air for a few seconds, and then asked, "What happened when you passed the dock, Malik-sama?"

Malik shut his eyes and hung his head.

"Malik-sama…?"

After a moment's pause, Malik placed his hand near his stomach and made a fist, clenching his hand tighter and tighter.

Rishid understood. "A tight pit in your stomach… "

Malik nodded shakily. Then his hand moved towards his heart, hovering there for a second and dropping limply to his lap as he sighed. His eyes opened and met Rishid's.

Malik's eyes were… haunted. They looked as if they saw nothing in front of them, instead seeing only the horrible past.

Rishid sighed and touched Malik's shoulder. "You still feel a great amount of guilt for that duel, don't you?" he asked. Malik closed his eyes again, nodding. "Malik-sama, you must try to forgive yourself for what you did during Battle City. Your actions were cruel, but they are no longer a part of you. They are in the past; you must let them remain there. If you keep bringing them back to torture yourself, they will devour you."

Sharply, almost defiantly, Malik looked away.

"Malik-sama." Malik reluctantly met Rishid's eyes once more. "Malik-sama, I know you are angry with yourself for what you did, but you must move beyond those feelings. Leave the hatred in the past."

Suddenly, unexpectedly, Malik turned his face away from Rishid and stood. He grabbed the book he'd been reading before and headed for the door.

"Malik-sama…!"

Malik wouldn't let Rishid see his face.

"If I said something to offend you, please forgive me, Malik-sama."

Finally, standing at the door, Malik looked at Rishid. Self-disgust was visible in Malik's face for a brief moment. Then the boy pulled the door open and left.

* * *

Malik wished he had some fire.

He was, at the moment, sitting at the top of the hotel's stairs. His book was a cover-up; he was far too upset to read right now. What he wanted and needed to do was write down what he felt, as he had become used to doing, to relieve some of the stifling pressure.

But he knew all too well that he would need to destroy what he wrote. He had grown used to that, too. Malik's fear of Isis or Rishid finding out what he felt was still strong, and now it was accompanied by the terrifying idea that one of Yuugi's friends should find out.

If that happened… Malik shuddered. He couldn't even bear to think of that.

Malik slid a hand over his mouth. All of his emotions were so built up inside of him. It seemed that if he took another breath they would come rushing out and he would scream and scream and keep screaming until absolutely nothing was left of him.

This was what he needed to write down, what he needed to release. But he would need to erase it, too—would need to burn it—and he had no fire to burn it with.

So Malik closed his eyes, leaned his forehead on his hands, and held the scream inside of him.

* * *

First of all, I want to thank everyone on behalf of Malik for all the sympathy he's received this past chapter. I say that because every single review contained the words "poor Malik." So, thank you XD. 

Trinn: I know, I feel so sorry for Malik too. But that's what makes him lovable.

Chaos: You'll find out what's wrong with him eventually And I agree that you can't fix a problem until you know what it is. I also feel that things generally get worse before they can get better… but perhaps I've said too much. .…

Kotori-chan: Here you are! Thank you for reviewing!

Ketaglass: Oh, that was actually a joke—the no reviews thing. 'Cause I submitted them within, like, three minutes of each other And keep thinking, 'cause it'll still be a little while until the great secret is revealed…! But until then, thank you for reading!


	7. Chapter Seven

Yuugi was not happy when he was woken up by his grandpa's voice the next morning.

"Yuugi! Malik is here!" it called from downstairs.

Sitting up in bed, Yuugi checked his clock and groaned. It was only seven-thirty.

"Yuugi!"

"Coming," Yuugi replied. Still pajama-clad, he trumped down the stairs, rubbing his eyes. "Ohayou," he greeted his grandpa, Malik, Isis, and Rishid. Then he suppressed a yawn. "How are all of you so awake?" he asked the Ishtars, squinting.

"There's a seven-hour time difference," Isis answered promptly. "Right now, it's about two-thirty p.m. for us."

"Ah." Yuugi yawned and looked at Malik. "Weren't you tired yesterday afternoon then, Malik?"

Malik shrugged.

"Um, I was thinking we could go to a movie today," Yuugi said. "How's that sound?"

Malik nodded, not seeming particularly excited.

"Great! The one I had in mind is supposed to be really funny. I can't wait."

Rishid put a hand on Malik's shoulder. "It sounds like you're ready for us to leave, then, Malik-sama?"

Reluctantly, Malik nodded.

"We'll pick you up this afternoon," Isis said. "Have fun at the movie."

They left. Malik watched their rental car drive away for as long as it was visible, then turned and followed Yuugi up to his room.

"Jonouchi-kun and the others won't be here for a while," Yuugi told him on the way up, "so I guess we can just hang out until they come. What do you want to do?" He looked over his shoulder at Malik, who shrugged. "Hmm… Oh! I know!" Yuugi exclaimed. "Wanna duel?"

Despite Yuugi's enthusiasm, Malik hesitated. He bit his lip uncomfortably and fiddled with his hands.

"You don't want to?" Yuugi asked. Then he noticed that Malik's hands were shaking slightly. "Hey, are you okay?" Yuugi said in concern.

Malik's shoulders twitched up and down in a small shrug. He didn't meet Yuugi's eyes.

"I guess you don't want to duel then, right?"

Malik kept looking down.

"It's okay, we don't have to," Yuugi told him. When Malik still seemed uncomfortable, Yuugi added, "I'm sorry. Maybe I shouldn't have asked." Now it was Yuugi's turn to hesitate. There was something that had been on his mind all night… "I'm really sorry about what happened yesterday, too," he said softly. "I didn't realize that we were going to pass that dock. I didn't realize how much it would… hurt you. If I had, I would have chosen another route home or something. So… I'm sorry."

Malik had stopped fiddling with his hands. Now his eyes rose to meet Yuugi's briefly as he waved the apology away. The corners of his mouth went up in the imitation of a smile.

Yuugi's brow furrowed. "Is it really okay?" he asked. "I was really worried all last night, because you looked so… scared…"

Malik turned away sharply to face Yuugi's bookshelf. He selected a book and started reading.

Yuugi watched uncertainly for a second. Then he put on a small smile and said, "Good idea, Malik. We can read until everyone gets here."

* * *

Everyone (the same crowd as the day before) arrived around eleven, and the movie started at twelve. They were all very excited to see it—all except for Malik.

Honestly, he didn't really care. He supposed it was nice that they were going to see a movie—that way, for a few hours it wouldn't matter if he could talk or not. But he couldn't work up any anticipation, no matter how many times Yuugi's friends told him how funny it was going to be.

When the group took their seats in the theater, Malik wound up sitting between Jonouchi and the aisle. Jonouchi was mostly talking to the rest of the group, so Malik listened to their conversation. He felt strangely like an eavesdropper.

The feeling didn't vanish as the movie started. It was a live-action comedy based on an anime, and it didn't particularly fit Malik's tastes. The song played with the opening credits was enough to convince him of that. (A song mentioning the fluffy temptations of wheat, he reasoned, should be enough to creep anyone out, but no one else in the theater seemed bothered by it.)

And everyone… everyone was enjoying the movie so much. Every few seconds, there was a burst of laughter, followed by an outbreak of whispering in the group about how funny the joke had been.

Malik couldn't participate in their joy. It wasn't that he disliked the movie, or didn't get the jokes—there were times when even _he_ wanted to laugh. But he couldn't even remember the last time he'd laughed, and somehow, he wasn't sure he'd be able to control it if he started.

Besides, laughing with them seemed like it would be an invasion, an intrusion into the secure group they'd formed long before Malik had even known of them. The bonds between the friends were almost tangible, almost visible, and Malik knew there was no such bond for him. He could only watch their excited interactions and feel like an outsider.

But he _was_ an outsider, he reminded himself. So he supposed that was fitting.

* * *

The movie ended around two o' clock. Jonouchi stood up and stretched as the end credits began rolling. He turned toward the aisle, expecting to see Malik stand up as well. But Malik was still sitting, eyes closed and chin tucked into his chest—fast asleep.

"Malik fell asleep," Jonouchi told the rest.

"Well, Isis-san said there's a seven-hour time difference," Yuugi quoted, "so it's about nine o' clock for him, and I bet he's tired from being up so 'late' yesterday too."

"Yeah, I guess so," Jonouchi agreed grudgingly. To tell the truth, he was a little annoyed. _We bring him to this movie to hang out with him, and all he does is sleep?_

"You might as well wake him up," Honda said.

Jonouchi shook Malik's shoulder. "Hey, Malik. Movie's over."

Malik stirred and his eyes opened. As Jonouchi watched, a change came over Malik's face. While he'd slept, his expression had been peaceful and relaxed, but now his lips tightened and his eyes quickly took on the guarded look that he always wore.

"You were pretty tired, huh?" Anzu asked Malik.

Malik nodded in reply.

Bakura smiled slightly. "Or maybe he just really didn't like the movie," he suggested jokingly.

When Malik didn't respond to that, Jonouchi muttered, "Yeah, maybe he would have preferred a _silent_ movie."

Malik quickly turned his face away, and Yuugi frowned. "Jonouchi-kun, that wasn't very nice," he reproached.

"It was a joke."

Malik started the procession out of the movie theater, everyone following behind him. But after a few minutes, Malik had gone from the front of the group to trailing several feet behind the rest. Jonouchi sighed. _Typical._

Jonouchi wasn't really sure that what he'd said _had_ been a joke. He didn't know if he'd wanted Malik to be amused or hurt, because he still wasn't sure what to think about the Egyptian.

He certainly wasn't making any effort to become friends with everyone—in fact, it seemed more like he was avoiding it as much as possible. He always trailed behind everyone else, responding minimally and wearing that tense, guarded face.

And, Jonouchi couldn't help but wonder, what was Malik trying to guard anyway?

For the most part, Jonouchi tried to ignore his suspicions. Yuugi trusted Malik, after all, and Jonouchi trusted Yuugi's judgement.

But Jonouchi knew he wouldn't accept Malik completely until that guarded expression was gone.

* * *

There is no, I repeat, NO Azumanga Daioh live-action movie. I made it up. It would be funny, but it doesn't exist.

So why is Malik watching an Azumanga Daioh movie? Mostly because I wanted it to be something funny, and Azu is pretty funny.

By the way, Malik didn't have any popcorn while he was watching the movie. Since the least favorite food of both Malik and Isis is "meat," I have reached the conclusion that the Gravekeepers are not allowed to eat meat. It follows that they may not eat animal products. (…) So Malik can't have any butter-drenched popcorn.

I'll do review-talk later, sorry I'm a little rushed right now.

By the way, all of these chapters have been divided into two or three sections with nice little spaces between them. FF.N has been "kind" enough to take those spaces out. Sorry if that caused any confusion.


	8. Chapter Eight

Sorry for the wait! The fic is very near completion! There are two chapters waiting to be posted, but I'll submit them later because posting in two places at once is time-consuming and boring.

Okay, the asterisks didn't work either, so now headers are between the sections of the chapters. Sorry.

* * *

When Isis awoke the next morning, Malik was already out of bed and reading. Isis sat up and stretched. "Good morning, Malik." 

Malik gave his sister a slight smile.

"Did you sleep well?"

A nod.

"Good, I'm glad." Isis held back a yawn. "Bakura-kun told me that the plan for today is to play a role-playing game of his at his apartment," she told Malik, "So we'll bring you over there around ten o' clock."

Malik pursed his lips tightly, met his sister's eyes and shook his head.

"…You don't want to go?"

Malik didn't need to respond; Isis knew his answer. She sighed and told Malik firmly, "I've already told them you're coming."

Malik broke eye contact and looked back down at his book, a scowl on his face.

"Malik, trust me. This is going to help you." When Malik's scowl deepened, Isis insisted, "_Really_. Yuugi and everyone—they all want to help you. If you'll just let them—"

It seemed Malik had heard enough. He slammed his book shut with a loud snap and headed for the door.

"Malik, wait…!"

Malik paused, not facing his sister.

"Malik… is this helping at all? Being here?"

Malik shook his head without turning.

Isis held back a deep sigh. "…If… if that doesn't change today—if you still don't think being here is helping you, and you're still uncomfortable—we… we can leave tomorrow."

Now Malik turned to look at Isis, his eyes wide.

"For the exhibit… for the exhibit, I can get someone else. But the most important thing is that this helps you, and if it doesn't… then I'm afraid it's just going to hurt you and extend the time before you can start speaking again. And the longer it is, the harder it will eventually be."

Malik looked at his sister with an empty smile.

"Don't look at me like that, like talking again is something… something ridiculous. You will start talking again. I know it."

Still wearing the empty smile, Malik turned away.

Isis sighed. "Try your best to enjoy yourself today, Malik," she said. "If it's really too hard for you, we can go home tomorrow."

* * *

At around ten o' clock, Malik was standing in front of Bakura's apartment complex. This time, Rishid and Isis left right away, and Malik climbed the stairs to the apartment alone.

Room 601, Isis had said. Malik rang the doorbell, and Bakura quickly answered.

"Malik! Come in, the game's all set up. Everyone else is already here."

Malik followed Bakura into a big room with a table set up in the middle. Yuugi, Jonouchi, Honda, and Anzu sat on one side of the table.

"You sit over there," Bakura instructed, pointing at that end and taking a seat at the opposite side. "Since it's your first time, you need to create your character." He handed Malik a sheet of paper and a book called _Creating Your Character_. "Choose your race and class carefully. They determine your starting abilities."

Immediately, Yuugi and the others began suggesting ideas for Malik's character. Mildly overwhelmed, Malik tried to tune them out as he flipped through the book. _It's almost like creating a deck_, he thought. _There are so many options you could use, so you pick the one that appeals to you or fits you best._ After much thought, he decided to be a human illusionist. He handed Bakura his completed character sheet.

"Good," Bakura said, nodding as he looked it over. "Good choices. I'll just finish up your miniature…" He disappeared into another room for a moment and came back with a five-inch figurine that looked exactly Malik. Amazed, Malik stared at it, then turned his wide-eyed gaze to Bakura.

"Pretty impressive, isn't it?" Yuugi asked. "Bakura-kun's really good at making those."

Malik nodded.

"But there's one thing I was wondering about, Malik," Bakura said seriously. "How is your character going to communicate?"

Malik froze, mouth slightly open. That was a good question. In fact, how was Malik going to participate in the game at all? From what Malik understood of RPG's, narration and communication with teammates was very important. _There's no way_, he realized. _I can't play this game without talking. I would only be… inconvenient._ Discouraged, he put down his miniature and stood, shaking his head to indicate his decision.

"Wait, Malik, you can still play!" Bakura protested. "Really! Maybe… maybe your character is under a spell where he can't speak, or something…"

Malik looked at the white-haired game master doubtfully.

"Just _make up_ a reason your character can't talk," Bakura encouraged. "I mean, normally it's fun to make your character something you're not, but…" He handed Malik the character sheet back. "Just write whatever it is on here."

Malik thought for a moment, and then put down _deaf-mute_. He returned the paper to Bakura, who frowned uncertainly as he saw the words. "Malik, being deaf is a really big disadvantage in this game," he warned. "You can't hear what your party members are saying or anything." But Malik had no intention of changing his mind. Seeing that, Bakura asked, "Hmm… Can your character read lips?"

After slight consideration, Malik nodded. "Okay," Bakura said. "And since you're deaf, you've become skilled at sensing vibrations in the air or ground that tell when something's coming, and you have very sharp eyesight." He entered a few things on his laptop and smiled. "Let's begin!"

Yuugi and everyone placed their miniatures (all as accurate as Malik's) on the board, and Malik followed suit.

As the game went on, Malik followed suit quite rather often. After all, he couldn't really offer his own suggestions, and the others knew how to play better than Malik did anyway.

Granted, Malik _had_ immediately had a very good idea of where to find the treasure they were searching for, an idea that had only occurred to the others after minutes of discussion and searching. But it didn't really make a difference—they'd figured it out eventually, right?

Suddenly, Bakura tapped Malik on the shoulder and slid him a small piece of paper.

_You feel a slight rumbling under your feet and judge that it is either a caravan or a very large monster. No one else notices it._

Malik looked at Bakura in confusion. Okay, so he knew a monster or something was coming. What could he do about that?

_Tell them_, Bakura mouthed.

Malik realized that Bakura was trying to make him feel included, important. But how could he tell the others what was coming without being able to speak?

The only option was to actually act the motions out.

Feeling quite ridiculous, Malik stood and, with an inquisitive look on his face, placed his hand on the ground. He made his eyes widen and mimed taking out a sword.

Yuugi was the first to catch on. "Is something coming?" he asked intently.

"You can't answer that," Bakura interrupted quickly. "You aren't facing him, so you can't see his lips move."

Malik was, on the other hand, facing Jonouchi, who repeated Yuugi's question. Malik nodded in reply. Everyone drew their weapons.

"Suddenly, a very large monster comes out of the forest," Bakura narrated. "However, the travelers are prepared, which throws the monster off guard. The travelers get an extra attack each."

The extra attacks were just what they needed. Impressively, they were able to defeat the monster without taking any damage at all.

"Thanks, Malik," Anzu said with an exited smile as the monster fell.

And, oddly enough, Malik almost smiled back.

* * *

At one o' clock, they took a break from the game to eat lunch. As Ryou boiled water to make pasta, he asked, "So, Malik, do you like Monster World?"

Malik nodded, a very small smile on his face.

"You're really good at it," Yuugi commented. "I'm surprised how quickly you got the hang of it."

"You _are_ doing well," Ryou agreed, turning away to get bowtie noodles out of a cabinet. "Especially for starting with such a big disadvantage."

Ryou was facing the stove, and wasn't aware of what was going on behind him until Jonouchi asked, "What's that, Malik?"

Abruptly, there was a loud ripping sound, accompanied by several gasps. Ryou whipped around, eyes wide in surprise. Malik was ripping a folded piece of paper into shreds, everyone else watching him disbelievingly.

"Hey, you can't do that to someone else's stuff!" Honda protested loudly.

Malik finished destroying the paper and walked purposefully over to Ryou. He dropped the shreds of paper at the white-haired boy's feet. Ryou suddenly had a bad feeling. He picked up a few of the pieces and studied them.

"Oh, no," he mumbled in despair.

"What is that, Bakura-kun?" Yuugi asked worriedly.

Ryou reddened under Malik's furious, accusatory glare. "It's one of the museum brochures."

* * *

By the way, Malik saw the brochure and wanted to look through it to see if there was a picture of Isis. But, uh, there wasn't.

Reviewtalk! Whoo!

Jieli: Koushari is Malik's favorite food. It's a vegetarian dish with uh… lots of yummy stuff in it. I could probably find a recipe for you if you like XD. And by the way, you had said "poor Malik" in your review to the same chapter as everyone else :D Heheh.A live action Azu would be awesome… but I would feel really sorry for whoever had to play Sakaki XD. Her hand would… hurt. Anyway, I'm glad this strikes you as so realistic :) Realism is my goal. Always.

Chaos: Yes… keeping things in makes them worse… much worse…… But I wouldn't say Malik's completely un-psychotic. Remember, it –was- him who wanted revenge on the Pharaoh for his father's death. I agree, though, Malik is so misunderstood. I love his personality so much.

Redemmo: Yup, Jou's just a regular comedian ne? Thanks for the encouragement.

Dirty footprints: Mwaha. Malik is my favorite too :) And I'm a girl…


	9. Chapter Nine

"Furious" didn't even begin to describe how Malik felt.

He'd first glimpsed the brochure out of the corner of his eye. Wondering if Isis were mentioned, he'd looked through it—but it didn't mention any ancient Egypt exhibit at all. Suddenly uncertain, he'd checked the dates on the front. The brochure was current.

Then he realized.

After all, why would there be a second ancient Egypt exhibit so quickly after the one during Battle City? And when had Malik actually seen Isis planning something for this "exhibit"?

He hadn't, because there wasn't one. She had lied to him.

Everyone had lied to him.

Malik's entire body shook as he ripped up the brochure and dropped it at Bakura's feet. He watched in disgust as the boy blushed a deep red and mumbled to everyone else what the paper was.

_What, embarrassed that I found out your lie?_

One by one, Malik fixed everyone else with the same livid stare. None of them would meet his eyes.

Rage pulsed through Malik's body. Ugly words pressed up against his gritted teeth, and he made himself hold them back. _Even if they deserve it, I can't let that out._

Finally, Yuugi mumbled, "We should probably call Isis-san and tell her."

"I'll do it," Bakura volunteered. "It's my fault. I should have put the brochures away."

_Yes, that would have let you preserve your stupid lie._

Malik took a seat in one of the dining room chairs and watched Bakura dial the phone. "Hello, Isis-san? There's been a slight… problem…"

_You've been found out, sister. What's wrong? Didn't you think I'd come here willingly?_

"N-no, Malik is fine, except… he… I accidentally left a museum brochure out, and he found it, and he's really… upset…… Yeah, he knows now. I'm so sorry. It's my fault."

_He's apologizing. Apologizing for the fact that I found out the truth._

"Okay, I'll tell him. I'm sorry…… Yeah. We'll see you then." Bakura hung up the phone. "Malik, Isis-san says she can't even express how sorry she is, and she's coming right now to pick you up."

Malik turned away. It didn't really matter to him if Isis could express how sorry she was, because he didn't care.

* * *

Isis hung up the phone and covered her face with her hands. "This is bad," she whispered. "This is… really bad…"

Watching her, Rishid asked in concern, "Isis-sama, what's wrong?"

"He found out," Isis said through her hands. "Malik found a museum brochure. He knows there's no exhibit." Her heart was pounding. "Bakura-kun says Malik is… really upset. Oh, this is bad… He must be so furious with me…"

"Isis-sama." Rishid put his hands on Isis's trembling shoulders. "You must calm down. Worrying over how angry Malik is will help nothing. Now, you said we were going over there, didn't you? Let's leave quickly."

Isis shook her head. "Rishid, I want you to stay here," she said.

"…Why, Isis-sama?"

Isis bit her lip. "I don't want you… to have to face his anger," she explained. "You don't deserve it. Rishid, this is my fault. The whole lie was my idea. Let me deal with the consequences."

"Isis-sama—"

"No, Rishid. I'm doing this on my own." She sighed, and with a wry smile added, "But you might want to start packing everything up, because I doubt Malik wants to stay here any longer."

Isis could barely concentrate on the way to Bakura's home. With her mind clouded by worry and regret, she almost missed several turns. When she arrived, she spent the long walk up to Bakura's apartment struggling to plan what to say.

"Isis-san, you're here," Bakura said as he answered the door, sounding relieved. "Malik's in the dining room." Isis followed Bakura through the apartment, an unpleasant knot in her stomach.

They reached the dining room. Malik looked up as Isis entered, met his sister's eyes for a brief second, and then stalked out of the room.

"Malik…!" Her heart in her throat, Isis dashed after him. "Malik, please…!"

Malik went into another room and slammed the door. Isis heard the unmistakable click of a lock. Futilely, she pulled on the knob. "Malik, open the door!" she cried. "Please let me explain…"

There was silence from inside. Isis gave a trembling sigh. "I'm sorry…" she said. "Malik, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please…" She kneeled, leaning her head on the locked door. "I didn't mean to… hurt you… I only wanted to help. I swear. I thought it would help to bring you here, and I didn't think you'd come, so…" Her excuses sounded so feeble. How had she ever thought it was a good idea to lie to Malik?

"I only wanted to help you," she insisted again. "I wanted to make your suffering go away. I wanted… I wanted to hear my brother's voice again…" Regret twisted Isis's face. "I've made it even worse, haven't I?" she whispered. "I've made you suffer even more. I've hurt you. Malik, little brother… I can't even say how sorry I am. Please, please forgive me…"

Still there was silence from inside the room. There was no sound of the door unlocking, no form of communication from Malik. Isis waited for a long time, and finally she closed her eyes in resignation. "I understand," she said weakly. "You have every right to be angry. I'll… I'll come back later… or something."

She stood to find Yuugi and everyone watching her. Taking a deep breath, she faked a calm voice and said, "I'm sorry to ask you this, Bakura-kun, but could I leave Malik with you for a little longer?"

Bakura nodded, pity in his eyes.

"Thank you." Isis touched the locked door one last time. "Malik, I'm so… sorry."

Then she walked silently out of the apartment, down the stairs, and to the car. She got in and closed the door. For a long time, she sat without moving, her eyes staring blankly ahead as she battled tears. At long last, she shook herself and started the car.

* * *

Malik hadn't moved since Isis had left. He was still leaning on the wall of the bathroom in which he had locked himself. His eyes were still squeezed shut, and his hand was clamped desperately over his mouth.

_No… no…_

He couldn't let them out. He couldn't let out the feelings that had strangled his words for so long. Now they were so strong that it was hard to breathe, so strong that it physically hurt to hold them back.

But he had to. He had to keep them inside of him. So he would stay right where he was until he could control it again, no matter how long that took.

* * *

Review Talk Time!

Sekana Katayama: Thank you, I'm glad you're liking it.

Kotori-chan: Thank you!

dirty footprints: O.O;;;; for some reason I thought you were a boy too XD. Well now that we've got that cleared up… Thank you for reviewing!

Emma: Don't worry, he will talk again… eventually… maybe sooner than you think…


	10. Chapter Ten

About ten minutes later, Malik came out of the bathroom. He made his way to Bakura's game room. They were all in there, sitting around the Monster World board, but they weren't playing. All eyes turned to Malik as he entered.

"You're back," Bakura said with an uncertain smile. "Good. Let's keep playing."

Malik answered with the same angry glare that he had given them earlier. He leaned on the wall, staying far away from the table.

Yuugi bit his lip and said, "Malik, we're… we're really sorry about lying to you. Right, guys?" They all nodded. Yuugi continued, "And your sister is too, you know. Please, won't you forgive her? She's been so worried about you. She brought you here because she wants to help you."

Malik scowled deeply. That feeling was beginning to return…

"Us too, Malik," Yuugi added earnestly. "We're not hanging out with you just because Isis asked. We've been worried about you too. Malik, we just want to help you… really…"

"Shut up."

The voice was so unfamiliar that it took even Malik a few moments to recognize it as his own. Then Yuugi realized. "Malik…!"

"I said 'shut up.'" Malik's voice was low and scratchy, as if rusted from lack of use, and the sudden stimulation made his throat hurt. His heart was racing. "I never asked for your help—I never wanted it! I never wanted anyone's help!" he shouted. "Do you think you're so magical that just by 'hanging out' with me, you can make everything go away? Even _your_ power can't do that, Yuugi—even your infallible 'strength of kindness' isn't enough to change things. So stop trying to fix what you don't understand! You say you wanted to help me? Did you think lying would help! I'll never forgive you! I hate all of you—I always have, and I always will! I hate you all, and I hate the Pharaoh! That isn't going to change. It will _never_ change. So just stop…" Malik broke off, panting. "J-just stop…" he stuttered. "I'm… I'm too…"

_Too broken for you to fix._

All Malik's energy drained out of him at once. He began to shake. _What… what have I said?_ He stood there, gasping for breath, as all the words he'd let escape echoed back to him. _Oh, no… Oh, no……_

They were all staring at him with wide, disbelieving eyes. Hurt eyes. Finally, Yuugi parted his lips to say something.

But Malik didn't stay to listen. He couldn't. He turned and ran, out of the apartment and down the hallway and down the stairs.

He had to get away, _now_.

* * *

Rishid was just closing his suitcase when the hotel phone rang.

"Can you get that, Rishid?" Isis asked tensely. "I… I don't want to…"

Rishid nodded in understanding. After the last phone call, Isis's superstition didn't surprise him. He went to answer it. "Moshi-moshi?"

"Rishid? This is Yuugi. It's about Malik."

"Is something wrong? Is Malik-sama all right?" Rishid asked, and ironically he wondered if Isis had been right to be afraid.

"Um…" Yuugi paused for a long time. "I… I don't really think he is."

Rishid's grip on the phone tightened. "What's wrong? What happened?"

Immediately, Isis was at Rishid's side, her eyes wide.

"Um…" Yuugi muttered. "How can I say this…?"

Rishid wished Yuugi would hurry up and explain. If something had happened to Malik…

Finally Yuugi said, "You see, he… he… he started talking again, but…"

"Malik-sama spoke?"

Isis gasped, and her hand twitched as if she wanted to take the phone. "He spoke…" she breathed in disbelief.

"Y-yeah, but what he said…" Yuugi sighed. "It was almost like… like something inside of him had… _exploded_. He started shouting about… how he didn't want anyone's help, and how he… hates all of us, and always will… And then he sort of calmed down, but he… he looked scared, and after a few seconds he just ran out of Bakura-kun's apartment. We don't know where he is now."

Rishid took in this information silently, a sadness settling around his heart. _Why would Malik-sama say such hate-filled things?_ he wondered. _Especially after not speaking for so long, for those to be the first words he says…_ And now Malik had run away, and there was no way of knowing where he had gone or what he planned to do.

_Malik-sama…_

A minute passed. Tentatively, Yuugi asked, "Rishid? Are you still there?"

Rishid shook himself slightly. "Yes. I'm here." He twisted the phone cord. "Should we come over there?"

"Y-yeah, I think that would be best," Yuugi stuttered. "We can decide what to do then."

"In that case, we'll see you in a few minutes."

"Yeah. 'Bye."

Rishid hung up the phone and sighed.

"Rishid, what happened!" Isis asked quickly.

"I'll explain on the way there, Isis-sama," Rishid answered. "Let's go."

* * *

Isis and Rishid arrived at Bakura's apartment about thirty minutes later. Neither of them appeared to be very upset, Jonouchi noticed, but as Isis began asking tense, rapid questions, he figured their calm faces were probably an act.

"What exactly did Malik say? How did he look when he was speaking? What about after?" Isis questioned. "Do you know any places he could have gone? Is it safe for him to be out on his own?"

"Isis-sama." Rishid touched the woman's shoulder. "Give them time to answer your questions."

Jonouchi only half-listened as Yuugi replied to Isis's worried questions; he was thinking about what Malik had said.

"_I hate all of you… and I always will!"_

Malik hadn't been acting in hatred before today, though. He had been acting as though he wanted to be accepted by everyone. What had suddenly changed?

_Maybe he decided he didn't want to be friends with liars_, Jonouchi guessed ruefully. Malik's discovery of the fact that there had never been an exhibit had obviously struck him hard. It was then that the masked, guarded expression had begun to slip, letting some of his true anger show through.

Because the anger and hatred that had twisted the Egyptian's face had been his _real_ emotions, Jonouchi realized. All the harsh words he had shouted—those had been true.

But it was when Malik's face fell into that ashamed expression that Jonouchi had been sure the mask was gone—although he couldn't say why. Maybe it was because he had never seen such an expression on Malik before.

Whatever the reason, Jonouchi found that, strangely enough, he was able to trust Malik more now. Now he knew what Malik felt, _understood_ what Malik felt. Jonouchi could see that Malik was still filled with hatred—but also that the Egyptian was ashamed of that.

"Jonouchi-kun," Yuugi's voice said, pulling Jonouchi out of his thoughts. "Jonouchi-kun, do you have any ideas where Malik might be?"

Jonouchi considered the question, and suddenly he remembered the time that Malik's mask had slipped before, revealing…

_That's it._

He stood suddenly. "I think I do have an idea," he said. "I'll go look."

"Where?" Isis and Rishid asked in perfect unison.

"I'm gonna go alone," Jonouchi said firmly.

"But we want to see him!" Isis protested.

"So I'll bring him back. But for now I'm going by myself. Besides," he added, "Malik's probably angry at all of us right now—including you two. I don't think he's ever liked me, so I'm used to it. And I don't know what it's like for you, Rishid, but Isis… I can tell it hurts you so much to have Malik angry at you. So stay here for a while. I'll bring him back, definitely."

Without waiting for an answer, he strode out the door.

* * *

It happened! It happened! He started talking again! But the story's not over yet… What could come next? Where could Malik be? Any guesses? I'm hyper! (…)

I'm probably the only one who knows what I'm talking about when I say "strength of kindness" but let me assure you it is more than just a corny line. Well, I guess it is corny, but it's a corny line based on another, very fitting, corny line.

Reviewtalk! Yayayay!

**spork111**: I wonder, can you tell now what Malik is hiding…? And yes, Bakura and the Pharaoh and Malik's other personality are all gone, but they all disappeared at different times, under different circumstances.

**emma**: You don't like cliffies? But they keep you interested, don't they :)? (evil laugh) Sorry about that. Oh dear, this one is rather cliffie too, ne…

**Redemmo**: Yup, Malik is so not having a good day.


	11. Chapter Eleven

Last chapter! Next comes the epilogue--which is basically a chapter after the last chapter. But it's more epilogue-y than chapter-y, so it is an epilogue. Make sense? No? Too bad. It makes sense to me. :P.

Sorry for the delay on this one. My excuse is... I'm incredibly lazy.

Someone please notice the specialness of the verbs in the first section. Please.

Disclaimer: YGO is not mine. It is my sister's.

...Just kidding.

It actually is mine.

...Still kidding. It's Kazuki Takahashi's. And he rocks.

* * *

Malik was shaking. He was shaking because of nerves, still riled up from what he'd said. And he was shaking from exhaustion, because he'd run all the way here. 

Now he sat in a guarded position. It hurt to be here—hurt a lot—but that was good; that was Malik felt he deserved.

_How could you say those things? How could you let them out? You pathetic weak stupid…_

Malik let the self-hatred that he'd held at bay for so long flood his mind, let it suffocate him.

_You're so pathetic! Can't you control anything! Can't you even control what you say! Pitiful, worthless, disgusting person…_

He was submerging himself in the pain, in the guilt, as if that could achieve the punishment he deserved. But he knew it couldn't. He'd known for a long time that there was nothing, no punishment he could suffer that was great enough to clear his soul.

_They should never have forgiven me. Never. I don't deserve any forgiveness. They should have never forgiven me, or tried to help—Isis and Rishid either—_

_Oh gods they're going to tell them what I said!_ Malik gritted his teeth and hugged his knees tighter as a new wave of pain drowned his heart. Somehow his anger at his siblings faded away in front of the fear of their reactions. After all, what had he been doing for the past month but hiding the truth from them? They would surely be just as angry with him as he was with them.

_They're going to hate me. They're going to be so disgusted with the weak, pathetic person that I am._ The realization only increased Malik's self-hatred. _Why can't you be someone who makes your siblings _proud_! Who makes them _happy

He had tried. He had tried to keep the disgusting part of him hidden, tried to keep it down. But in the end, it had built up and spewed out of him uncontrollably.

_Pathetic. I'm so pathetic.

* * *

_

Jonouchi had run, too. A little more inclined to physical activity than Malik, he wasn't quite as exhausted when he reached the dock. It was still a few moments, though, before he could catch his breath to shout, "Hey!"

The Egyptian, sitting hunched up with his head in his knees, twitched slightly at the sound of Jonouchi's voice, but did not lift his head.

Jonouchi watched Malik for a few seconds. "Why did you come here, Malik?" When Malik made no response, Jonouchi came a little closer and asked, "Are you trying to punish yourself?"

Finally Malik gave a shudder and raised his head. He stared at the deformed ironwork above him and shuddered again. "I'm… very sorry…" he said. "About… what I did here."

Jonouchi glanced at the ironwork as well. The explosion that had dropped the anchor and disfigured the iron bars was one of the first things he remembered clearly from that incident. But as he stood here, with Malik sitting in front of him so pitifully, Jonouchi found that he wasn't really angry, and that he was able to say, "Don't worry about it. It's fine."

Malik looked at him with wide eyes. "It isn't 'fine'!" he insisted. "How… how could it ever be _fine_! What I did here… what I did to _you_… It's inexcusable, unforgivable. You _said_… you even _said_ you'd never forgive me. You said that many times!"

"So I changed my mind," Jonouchi replied, shrugging. "What's wrong with that?"

"I don't deserve forgiveness!" Malik turned his head away. "I don't deserve the forgiveness of any of you. I don't want you to… I don't want you to forgive me, because the things I did…"

"Hey," Jonouchi interrupted. "We're the ones you wronged, right?"

Malik nodded; he had to agree with that.

"So it's up to _us_ to decide what you deserve for the pain you've caused us." Jonouchi sat down next to Malik. "And in case you haven't noticed, we've forgiven you."

Malik was silent for a few moments. Then he said quietly, "You don't get it."

"Get what?"

"Don't you realize that everything I said back there was true?"

"Yeah, I know that. So what?"

Malik shot Jonouchi a disbelieving look. "Didn't you hear me? I said I hated you, you know—I said I hated all of you, and the Pharaoh…"

"You haven't been acting like you hated us."

"An 'act' is exactly what it was," Malik snapped. "I was keeping that part of me… hidden."

Jonouchi let a brief silence hang in the air before he asked the important question, the one he'd come here to ask: "Why?"

Malik buried his head in his arms again. "Because I hate that part of me," he said, his voice muffled. "I hate… the stupid person I am."

Jonouchi rolled his eyes. "You're not a stupid person. Sure, you did some stupid things, but you've gotta move on. Why hold onto it? You've been forgiven and everything."

"But _why_ did you forgive me?" Malik asked. "I really… don't understand how you can…"

Jonouchi shrugged unconcernedly. "Mostly, I think, we're just following Yuugi's lead. And he's certainly fine with you."

"But _he_'s the one I hurt most," Malik said. "So why's he so… 'fine' with everything?"

"That's just how Yuugi is. He sees the good in everyone," Jonouchi answered, smiling wryly. When Malik still looked doubtful, Jonouchi continued, "It's kinda weird, isn't it? I really used to… hate him for that. I thought he was so dumb…"

Malik stared at Jonouchi in disbelief. "What? You used to hate Yuugi?"

"Thought he was pretty darn annoying," Jonouchi answered succinctly. "Used to pick on him regularly."

"But… but the strength of your friendship was enough to break the power of—" Malik broke off very suddenly and buried his head in his arms. "Sorry," he said jerkily. "Sorry. I shouldn't… talk about……" He paused for a second. "It's just… you guys get along so well…"

"People change, right?" Jonouchi said. "Once I accepted who Yuugi was, and accepted his kindness… I was able to change myself a lot. Still, it took me a while… I didn't even understand why he wanted us to be friends." Jonouchi smirked lightly as Malik's surprised eyes met his. "Sound familiar? So… you could probably change, too, if you would just accept that the past is behind you…"

"But it's not that simple." Malik sighed, hiding his eyes again. "I… I don't have the courage… to change. I don't even have enough courage to say that I _want_ to change. I'm too afraid of… the new pain… and the new hardships that would bring. All I can do is tell myself that I _should_ change, and just keep hating my pathetic self…"

"Why should you hate yourself?" Jonouchi asked. "Your siblings… Isis and Rishid don't hate you. They love you, and they know everything about you."

"They don't know this," Malik said. "They think I've changed. I never let them find out about the… the disgusting person I am."

"We told them what you said, you know," Jonouchi said. Malik hunched over more tightly, but Jonouchi continued, "No, listen. When they heard, they were _worried_—about _you_. They were sad that they had let you suffer alone. Malik, they realize… they know it's not easy to change. And right now, they're sitting in Bakura's apartment, worrying about you. They're waiting for you to come back. They're waiting to hear your voice."

Malik didn't answer, didn't lift his head.

"Malik, let's go back," Jonouchi prompted.

There was a long silence. Finally, Malik said very quietly, "Okay."

* * *

_How long has it been since Jonouchi left?_ Rishid wondered. It felt like hours, but Rishid didn't trust his time judgment. At most, he guessed, a half-hour had passed. 

But that was still a long time to just sit and wait. Yuugi and the others had long since found other things to do and disappeared to different rooms. Rishid and Isis, however, had not moved from the dining room chairs in which they sat since Jonouchi had left.

Rishid glanced over at Isis. She was staring straight ahead with her hands folded in her lap and her lips pursed, as she often did when she was anxious and trying not to let it show.

"Isis-sama," Rishid said softly, and Isis turned to look at him. Her eyes were worried. "Jonouchi will bring Malik-sama back soon," Rishid assured her, although he had no proof that what he said was true. He just didn't want Isis to worry so much.

Isis forced a small smile. "You're probably right," she agreed.

Unfortunately, there was nothing Rishid could do to assure himself either. He was concerned for Malik as well, concerned for the boy's safety and for his happiness. It was torturous to have to sit and wait; Rishid would have greatly preferred to have gone with Jonouchi. But the Japanese boy had forbidden that, so Rishid had to wait and trust that Jonouchi truly knew where Malik was.

Finally, after another fifteen minutes had passed, Bakura's doorbell rang. The white-haired boy answered it, and in a few seconds he appeared in the dining room, Jonouchi behind him.

"Did you find him?" Isis asked at once.

"Yeah," Jonouchi answered with a comforting half-smile. "And I got him to come back. He's outside, waiting for you guys."

Rishid exchanged a quick glance with Isis, and without speaking they stood and went to see their brother.

* * *

Malik stood on the sidewalk in front of the apartment building, waiting for Rishid and Isis to appear. He was not without anxiousness—in fact, it was difficult for him not to pace back and forth. 

_What if they're angry? What if they're disgusted? What if they hate me?_ The questions filled his mind. And there was another that overpowered the rest, one that made Malik's heart pound in fear: _What if I can't control what I say to them?_

They were coming out of the building now. Malik nervously bit his lip and lowered his eyes as his siblings drew near.

"Malik-sama, are you all right?" Rishid asked.

Face reddening, Malik simply nodded in response. Isis reached out to take his hand, but he pulled away, hunched over guardedly.

"Malik, what's wrong?" Isis inquired in concern. When Malik didn't answer for a moment, Isis pressed, "You can tell us now, right? Tell us what's wrong. We'll listen."

Trembling, Malik shook his head. _I can't. I can't let those things come at you. I don't want to hurt you I don't want to hurt you I don't want…_ Malik took a few steps backwards.

"Malik-sama…!"

Again Isis reached out to him. "Malik, are… are you still angry at me?"

Malik shook his head vehemently, looking up for a moment to meet his sister's eyes. But the pain in them was too much for Malik to bear, and he quickly looked away again.

"Then what's wrong, Malik-sama?" Rishid asked. "Why won't you speak to us?"

Malik only shook his head, back and forth with a steady motion.

"Malik…" Isis sounded hurt, and Malik flinched. "Malik, we only want to hear your voice. Please… I want… I want to hear your voice again, Malik, please…"

Full of self-disgust, Malik kept shaking his head. _Pathetic. Coward. Can't you make your siblings happy?_ he berated himself. But he was too afraid that he would lose control again, and he didn't think he could bear that.

"_Please_, Malik…" Isis begged. "I want you to tell me what's wrong, so I can help you fix it. I don't care… what you say. There's nothing you can say that will make me hate you. I just want to hear you speak. Please…" Her voice almost broke. "Please, Malik…"

Something hot and prickly was pressing at Malik's eyelids. It was not until a sob choked its way out of Malik's throat that he realized he was crying. "I'm sorry…" he whispered. "I'm sorry… I'm so sorry…" He repeated it over and over, crying as Isis and Rishid each took one of his hands.

"There's nothing for you to apologize for, Malik-sama," Rishid told him.

Malik shook his head and tried to pull away from them, from their gentle care and the forgiveness that he could never deserve. "I'm sorry," he sobbed again.

"You are already forgiven," Isis said firmly, wiping tears out of Malik's eyes. "Stop crying, brother," she added, and her voice sounded strange.

Malik quickly looked at her face and was surprised to see tears in her eyes as well. "Don't cry!" he exclaimed in distress. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm…"

"Shh," Isis said, pulling Malik into a hug. "I'm crying because I'm happy. Malik, I'm so happy… to hear your voice."

It took Malik a long time to get his sobs under control, but his siblings stood there with him, holding onto him, waiting.

When the tears had finally exhausted themselves, Malik felt… depleted. Everything had come pouring out of him again, uncontrollably and against his will. But this time, there was no terrible feeling of shame or self-disgust at what he'd released. There was only a tremendous… relief.

Slowly, he began to explain. "I didn't want you two to find out," he said in a very small voice, his eyes averted. "I didn't want to let you see the… weak, cowardly person that I couldn't… change or erase, so I tried to hide that shameful part of me, but…"

"There was no need to hide that, Malik-sama," Rishid said, his voice sad. "It's nothing to be ashamed of."

"But the two of you adjusted so _easily_," Malik protested. "It seemed like… It seemed like you had completely forgotten all of the pain of the last five years, but I couldn't do that. I can't… I can't even…" He stopped abruptly, his face crumbling uncertainly. Once he said that, there would be no taking it back. They would know.

"Can't _what_, Malik?" Isis questioned softly.

"I c-can't even… stop… hating him," Malik answered, almost inaudible. "My hatred for the Pharaoh just won't… go away." He was shaking, and he felt certain that Isis or Rishid or both would drop his hands and step away from the disgusting creature that he was.

But they didn't. After a few frozen seconds, Malik raised his eyes fearfully, searching his siblings' faces for shock or repulsion.

He found only love.

Rishid tightened his grip on Malik's hand. "Malik-sama, nothing vanishes that easily," he said gently. "For Isis-sama and me, too, there have been things from Battle City that are still… painful. But ignoring or hiding the pain does not lead to healing… does it, Malik-sama?"

Malik shook his head. "Because it… it tries to come out anyway," he mumbled. "That's what happened. I tried to hold it… m-my hatred… back, but it got stronger and stronger until I couldn't stop that feeling without closing everything else off too, so that's… what I did. And soon everything just… came out anyway." He sighed deeply. "I'm sorry I'm not… strong enough to—"

"Malik, didn't we say to stop apologizing?" Isis asked with a tiny smile on her face. "There's no need to. It's not that you're weak; you're just trying to carry too much by yourself. From now on, as long as you'll tell us when something's too hard for you, we'll help you, and we can be strong together."

"But I need to learn to stand on my own—"

"Malik-sama, this is different," Rishid said. "No one should have to suffer without someone there to comfort them."

Looking into the loving eyes of Rishid and Isis, Malik finally smiled in gratitude. He felt strangely empty, but empty in the sense that he could be filled with something new. Something better.

The Ishtars never returned to Bakura's apartment that afternoon. They stayed outside until the sun set, sitting together on the pavement.

Talking.

* * *

Yay? Anyway... Yeah. If anyone has any last questions, ask them in your review and I will answer them when I put up the epilogue! And... I swear I had more to say... Hmm... well, I guess not. OH YEAH review talk time! 

**Jieli**: Your reviews are so detailed :) Thank you! Were you right about where Malik went?

**T. Lei**: Yup, Joey to the rescue all right! Thanks for reviewing!

**Redemmo**: Dingding, we have a winner! Thank you for reviewing :)

**Chibi Cheesecake**: Lots to say here ne XD. Let's see... I'm relieved that you liked the part with Rishid understanding Malik's gestures... I was very worried that it would end up seeming like a corny game of charades O.O;;. And don't worry about clogging up my inbox. I love having my inbox clogged with reviews :). Though I was surprised... "Wah! Eleven!" I said. Mou, you didn't know where he was? I'm surprised at you... ;) Thank you for all of your reviews, they made me so happy :D

By the way, would anyone be interested in seeing some of the random planning/bloopers/etc from this story, posted along with the epilogue? It'll be pretty random, I promise... But only if people are interested.


	12. Epilogue

Epilogue!

Big news, everybody! As a matter of fact, I do own YGO! Takahashi-sama read this and was so impressed that he decided to give it to me, free of charge! Isn't that awesome?

Yeah, right. Don't own YGO. Never will.

* * *

They had decided to have a beach bonfire before the Ishtars left. 

"They" meant Yuugi, Jonouchi, Bakura, Honda, and Anzu. The Ishtars had not been involved in the planning process at all, and at first Malik was a little dubious about going. Being among Yuugi and the others was still uncomfortable, and Malik really would have preferred to just go home without facing them at all.

But no, they had to throw a party.

Isis and Rishid wouldn't let Malik bring a book, either. "This party is being thrown for you, Malik," Isis scolded lightly. "You're going to have fun with them."

So, the day after Malik started talking again, he found himself on the beach at sunset with Yuugi and the others.

Malik sat by the bonfire they'd created, glad for its heat and its light. All of Yuugi's friends were having a "water-balloon fight." It was a new concept to Malik, but the main purpose of the game seemed to be getting soaked to the skin. Malik had opted out.

Staring into the flames, he found himself slipping into the thoughts that he'd tried to hold back before. This time, instead of resisting them, he took out a pad of paper and pen from the small backpack he'd brought and began to write.

He wrote down everything that came to his head without stopping to re-read it. For almost a half-hour he sat there, scribbling down his thoughts in a strange mix of Japanese, Arabic, and Egyptian.

Finally he ran out of things to say. As he put his pen away, his eyes floated uncertainly to the top of the paper, and he began to read.

_Pharaoh—_

_Did you think I had completely changed after Battle City? Did I pull the act off well enough for you? I said I'd been looking forward to seeing all of you again, but that was a lie. I was terrified when you came. I suffered a lot, those two days. It was hard to be around you guys. It still is._

_Mostly that's because of how I feel about what I did during Battle City. Everything I did was terrible. I hurt everyone so much, not just you, but your friends and even my own siblings, in my selfish quest for revenge._

_But it's also hard for me to be around all of you because I haven't been able to change completely. When I look at Yuugi, sometimes I still see you and all the suffering my clan has endured for your sake. When I look at Jonouchi, sometimes I still see the boy who thwarted my control and my perfect plan to kill you. _

_So what do you think of that? Have I gone back to being the cursed traitor in your eyes? Or will you continue to forgive me, like everyone else does? I've never wanted forgiveness. I'm still waiting for the punishment I deserve, the punishment that just won't come. My clan's laws rule that the penalty for traitors is death, but you forbade that option during the final duel of Battle City. So you're still holding me captive, in this despicable in-between state._

_See? There's still hatred. I still hate all of you and I hate the fact that you've forgiven me. I hate it so much that sometimes that chokes out all of my other thoughts, my other words. I've tried to just push those feelings away, into other parts of my mind, but that doesn't help. They're still there. And there was a time when I believed they would always be there. I believed that I'd be like this forever. I thought I was pathetic for not being able to change, but I didn't think there was anything I could do._

_I still don't know what I can do. Whenever I catch myself thinking something negative, change it to something positive? I don't even think that would work. Forcing a change that way would be dishonest and superficial. And obviously, pushing them away just makes them stronger. So I don't know what I'll do. But I can promise that I'll try._

_Because I'm sorry, too. I'm sorry I can't be the perfect, repented soul that you expected to see. And you have no idea how much I hate myself for what I did during Battle City. _

_That's what I have to live with. So maybe, in the end, that's my punishment. Death would have been kinder._

Malik's face steadily got hotter and hotter in shame as he read what he'd written. All of it was true, and that's what made it so horrible. Every single one of the sarcastic, angry, disgusting words was really how Malik felt.

As despair twisted his face, Malik ripped out the page he'd written on and crumpled it up, then raised his arm to throw the paper into the fire. He had to make sure that no one found out he felt this way—

But he lowered his arm again. How would that be different from what he'd been doing for the past month? He wasn't supposed to hide his feelings anymore. He had to deal with their consequences rather than running away. So, reluctantly, he flattened out the paper, keeping it face-down as he got rid of the creases.

Maybe someday he'd be able to get rid of these feelings in another way—an honest way.

"What's that paper, Malik?" a voice asked from behind Malik. He turned to see Yuugi standing there, looking at him with a genuine, friendly curiosity.

Though all Malik's instinct cried out for him not to answer, he replied truthfully, "I was writing down… some of my thoughts. It doesn't really matter, I guess. At least… At least I hope that someday, these thoughts won't matter… to my heart at all. That's what I hope. Because I want…" Malik pressed his lips together and then gave a slightly apologetic smile. "I want to change."

* * *

So, now for random information! Hope none of this scares you too much XD. 

This fanfiction was started in late December.  
In the original blab-write I did for this story (written after chapter one), I felt that it got "too dramatic, too fast," which led to the story's name (different from title): TDTF! So, it's actually called "TDTF." Don't believe anyone who tries to tell you it's called "Choking." XD.  
Originally, there were going to be more guilt "attacks" like the one at the dock. I scratched that idea when I couldn't really think of very many.  
The "soundtrack" while writing this was a DDR sampler CD. I did not choose this CD because it fit with the mood; I chose it because when I started the fic, I had just re-discovered it.  
Chapter five was hardest to write T.T And chapter seven was pretty hard too.  
The bonfire party was originally going to be a beach barbeque. Then one day I realized that barbeque means _meat_. It was pretty funny, actually.  
The strategy of changing negative thoughts to positive ones came from my health book. Yay for dissing the health book!  
In my random file of everything, called "OR MAYBE NOT… THE DOWNSTAIRS VERSION," there is a recipe for koushari. Come to think of it, I could probably take that out now.The two scenes at the dock are called "HTD" scenes because I Hate That Duel. :nodnod:  
And when I was planning for the second half of chapter five, I was trying to figure out how to show how much Malik was affected. My first thought was that he didn't talk for the rest of the night. :silence: Then I'm just like, no, that doesn't work.  
I had a few problems with things that were related to my previous attempt at angst-with-chapters. I had to be careful to avoid those.  
When Rishid and Isis are comforting Malik as he cries, Rishid was originally going to put his hand on Malik's shoulder. But I had said "and Rishid put a hand on his shoulder" and because it wasn't clear whose hand it was, for some reason I wound up imagining Rishid putting a disembodied hand on Malik's shoulder. Weird picture.  
The line "you are already forgiven" is something I've wanted to use for a really long time. :)  
Many of the verbs in the first part of chapter eleven are reminiscent of drowning. I guess no one noticed though… oh well... I made the wordbank for nothing... Bakura lives on the sixth floor of his apartment. Poor Malik had to run down a lot of stairs. I said: "601… You gots a lotta stairs to run down, Malik…"  
…Yup. That's most of it. Well, the funny stuff anyway.

Review talk! Thank you to every single person who has reviewed this fanfiction. Your kind words mean so much to me :D

**ChibiCheescake**: ...I'm glad you like it... Woefully inadequate response, I'm sorry. I don't know what to say... "creepy stalker sense" lol... :still inadequate:

**spork111**: O.o it appears there may have been a problem... your review just says "I"...? But, uh... Thanks for reviewing :D!

**Redemmo**: 'Course I'm not gonna forget:) Thank you for your reviews!

**Gelap Gelita**: I like pain and suffering too :B. Mwahaha. Thank you for all your reviews--on the other fics too!


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